Good advice for newbies

I hate it when people assume that writing is something that "just anyone" can do.

Case in point:

Dear Katharine Sawn,

Hey there..!! First and formost I just want to "Thank You" personally for takeing the time out of your personal schedule for takeing the opportunity to read my following e-mail.

I was putting some consideration on freelance writeing, and I just had a few question's to ask of you.

1. My first question is..I want to write on certin topics, and can I sell my personal views or personal advice..to the public beside's magazines and newspaper articles?

2. I want to sell my articles on my own with my own materials how much should I charge..?

3. How long does it have to be meaning pages..? Can freelanceing go into writeing book's..?

I think thats all the questions I have to ask at the moment until these questions get answered. Again I just want to "Thank You" personally takeing the time out of your busy schedule to read my following questions..

Sincerely Yours,

F.M.

F.,

Thank you for your email. Unfortunately, before you attempt to sell your work as a writer, you need to work on your spelling and grammar. There are many errors in your email, leading me to believe that either English is not your first language, or you lack some of the necessary education. Writing is not like flipping burgers at McDonalds: You can't start your career without first getting the necessary education and skills.

Writing is a profession. Please treat it like one. Once you have a good understanding of English spelling and grammar, I'd be happy to advise you on your career.

Sincerely,
Katharine Swan

No Child Author Left Untapped

On Monday, Victoria Strauss of Writer Beware posted on a disturbing trend that has been growing recently: The tendency of vanity presses to prey on child authors. Her post got me thinking, for two reasons:

1) Because I also started writing novels as a teenager,

and

2) Because I have had firsthand experiences with one of the child authors she mentioned in her post, Adora Svitak.

In regards to #1, I agree with Victoria Strauss completely when she says that some youngsters may be able to write beautifully, but most don't have the maturity to deal with the publishing industry. We're talking about an industry that can be pretty cutthroat — there is a lot of competition and a lot of rejection, whereas most children and teens are still at the point where social rejection is the end of the world. Plus, they lack both the experience needed to know the publishing industry's standards, as well as the maturity to learn and apply those standards.

Of course, as with any rule there are exceptions, but I am pretty certain I wasn't one. I wrote my first novel at age 14, and I know looking back at it that it was not and will never be publishable. My second novel was better, but it is my third novel — written when I was 15 — that I think has the most potential. However, even that one needs work — revisions and corrections that I don't think I would have seen the need for earlier in my career.

In spite of the fact that I once complained about my parents not encouraging and helping me to pursue publication, I think now that I wouldn't have it any other way. Maybe I haven't published a novel yet, but I'd rather get there on my own two feet than to have my work sell because I was some kind of child prodigy, an oddity and a fascination.

Which brings me to #2: My experiences with Adora and Joyce Svitak. I got involved almost exactly two years ago, when Adora's book, Flying Fingers, was first published. Joyce advertised looking for reviewers, and being a little naive about how the industry worked, I agreed to work with them. Perhaps unsurprisingly, I got burned.

Victoria's post about Aultbea and their child authors made me start thinking about the situation with the Svitaks for the first time in many months. It occurs to me that Adora was not the only one whose work was being exploited — by looking for writers to work for free and betraying our initial agreement regarding my review, Joyce was also taking advantage of other writers. This makes me wonder: Is it only the vanity publishers who are guilty of exploiting children's talents? Or are some of the parents equally as guilty?

Do freelance writers need business cards?

Just the other day, a newbie writer asked me if I thought business cards were a necessity. I thought it was a good topic, and decided to blog on it.

Business cards are part of the way you "package" yourself as a professional. Your packaging is what differentiates you from other writers. It tells clients and publishers that writing is your career, rather than a hobby.

For a freelance writer who works mostly online, I don't think business cards are an absolute necessity. There are other methods of packaging that are more crucial for a professional online presences. For instance, I think a beginning Internet-based writer needs to focus primarily on these aspects:

* Website
* Resume
* Cover letter
* Queries
* Professionally formatted submissions
* All other email correspondence
* Invoices

You get the idea. Basically, anything your clients or potential publishers might see need to have a unique, professional appearance. For instance, until you get to the point in your relationship with a client that you both are sending one-liner emails back and forth, stick with a business letter-like layout for your emails. I for one drop the "Dear..." line quite quickly, but I always end my emails with a professional signature and a link to my site.

Back to the business cards, though.

Does all of this mean that business cards are completely unnecessary? No, of course not. Like anything else that establishes your professionalism, business cards can be quite useful. You can keep a few on hand in case you meet a potential client in your daily travels. You can paperclip a couple to your snail mail submissions. You can include a few with snail mail invoices, too. (You should always give them out in twos or more, so that your clients or potential clients have one to give away if they decide to recommend you.) Business cards are great, because they are a hardcopy symbol of your professionalism that can be filed away and referred to again at a later date.

With more and more of the writing industry taking place online, there is less purpose than there used to be for little niceties such as business cards. So, no, they aren't really necessary -- and I actually would argue that a professional website has replaced business cards in many ways. However, business cards still have their purposes -- not to mention they can be a lot of fun. I still get a shiver of delight every time I look at mine!

How much money do writers earn?

Victoria Strauss of Writer Beware posted Sunday on several emails she exchanged with a wannabe writer. The writer's email, and his response to her advice, reminded me a lot of encounters I have had with similarly delusional writers. However, there are a few things Strauss has to say that I don't quite agree with.

Basically, an aspiring writer emailed Strauss for advice. The section of his email that she quoted stated that he wanted to earn a living from his writing. Strauss then goes on to explain that most novelists cannot live off of their royalties, referencing statistics to back up her point.

However, his response to her advice exposed him as a nutter. In a very condescending tone, he berated her for trying to discourage him, and then suggested that her lack of writing skill is the reason why she's found it so hard to succeed.

The tone of his response reminded me of how several writers responded to my advice about 8 months ago. After my article ran in WritersWeekly.com, I had a flood of emails from aspiring writers, asking for advice. Several of them seemed to think they could go from being a nobody to a bestselling author faster than the McLaren goes from zero to 60 (which, by the by, takes about three seconds). When I told them otherwise, and suggested that they start small before trying to break into the big bucks, I got very high-minded emails in response. If you want a few laughs, you can read all about it here.

For the record, though, I don't necessarily agree with Victoria Strauss when she indicates that trying to earn a living off of your writing is overly ambitious. I have been able to earn what I need to get by, and I know many other writers who do even better for themselves. I think it all comes down to how you go about it. For instance, if you put all your eggs in the "novelist" basket, you will probably have a much harder time achieving financial independence. (Heck, even Stephen King took a long time to get where he is.)

The key to being financially successful as a writer is being willing to go where the money goes. Even if your dream is to be a bestselling author, to pay the bills you will most likely need to broaden your horizons. Web content, copywriting, newspaper articles, and magazine features all provide ways to earn a decent living while pursuing your other writing dreams. You may not be remotely wealthy doing it, but it is possible to earn a living by selling your writing.

Why writers shouldn't network on MySpace

A while back, I set up a "work" account on MySpace, with the idea that I could use it to network. Let me advise all the rest of you writers not to try to use MySpace to network.

Basically, you get a few different types of writing-related people on MySpace:

1) Editors who are running low-budget, short-lived magazines and want everything for free
2) Wannabe writers who just want to talk big about this or that book they are going to write someday
3) Authors (legit or otherwise) who are marketing their work, and really don't care about anyone else's

If you fall into the third group, that's probably the only way I can think MySpace might be even remotely useful for you. Theoretically, if you had a book you wanted to get the word out about, you could set up an account for it, and then send out mass friend requests, bulletins, etc. In other words, you could be that annoying person who everyone hates.

(As an aside, I got on the friends list of one author's book page. That was how I found out all the bulletins she was sending out were AP articles and other materials reprinted without permission. Talk about lazy and immoral!)

This post, however, is about the first type of person -- the editor who wants writers and other staff members to contribute out of sheer desperation to snag a byline.

Unfortunately, I am on a couple of magazines' friends lists, though not for long. This afternoon I received the following bulletin from one such magazine, looking for a new webmaster:

We need someone (does not matter where you are located) who is experienced and someone who has great references. We also need someone who can make changes to the magazine's site in a very short period of time. We're often called to post up banners, contests or links in a short amount of time. So, we need someone who is reliable and efficient!

After this paragraph, there is a very loooong paragraph describing all the qualifications they are looking for. I edited it out because otherwise no one would finish reading this post. After the long description, the paragraph ends by saying:

Nothing too major or nothing that will require a lot of hours. We just need someone from time to time that is reliable and can put things up right away when needed. We get a lot of people who need us to post up banners and contests within a day or so, that's the kind of work that is most important.

And, of course, the kicker:

Since our magazine is strictly on a volunteer basis, we are not able to pay for services. However, since our magazine revolves around celebs, we offer the opportunity to get your name out there in a wide field! Not only that, there are often many perks such as free DVDs, CDs, MP3 players, etc.!

In other words, this magazine wants you to be not only extremely qualified, but also have a schedule that allows you to be available to do their work at the drop of a hat... And they expect all this with nothing but "exposure" (the value of which is doubtful in a free startup magazine) and free grab bag prizes.

In my opinion, the scum-of-the-earth doesn't get any lower than "employers" who want expertise and your full attention in exchange for a byline and a few goodies. The fact that these publications make it so long (this one has been on my friends list for the past year) can only mean one thing: there is no shortage of writers naive enough to fall for it.

The trouble with wannabe writers: The redux

Fair warning: This diatribe is about crazy people. More specifically, a crazy person who thinks he's a writer. And the things I'm going to say could be interpreted as slightly mean if you sympathize with crazy people, so read at your own risk.

I posted about wannabe writers several months ago, when I started getting emails from advice-seekers following the publication of my article in Writers Weekly. Today's story beats them all hands down.

I rather liked the guy at first (we'll call him C.G., since I want to rant about him and what he represents, not embarrass him). He keeps a momma cat and her three kittens in his vintage clothing store, and they run around greeting customers, climbing furniture, and playing amid racks of brightly sequined dresses. The way he talks reminds one of the stereotypical gay guy running a clothing boutique. And he has some really great vintage costumes in his shop.

I started noticing little stuff at first. Like the long, unwashed hair that poked out from under his cap and trailed down his back. Or the fact that the couch, coffee table, and TV setup in the back room -- amid racks of costumes and pieces of leopard-print second-hand furniture -- seemed like it might be where he lived. The store was really cold, too, and in retrospect it was probably because he couldn't afford to heat the place.

My mom and I were looking for a dress for her to wear to my 1920s-themed wedding, and although we did find it there, the fact that I was waiting while she tried on dresses meant that I was a captive audience for C.G. He started talking about his upcoming book, and I was going to mention that I'm a writer -- until he said his book would be the next biggest spiritual book since the Bible. At that point, my bullsh!t radar switched to hyper-sensitive. Several seconds later, it just about overloaded when he asked me to email Oprah and ask her to let him on her show.

Over the next twenty minutes, whenever I couldn't escape by checking on my mom or fetching a kitten, I was held hostage by this guy. The premise of his book sounds more like something the crazy homeless guy on the street corner would be muttering under his breath or shouting at nervous passersby. Seriously, if C.G. and I met on a street corner and he started ranting about the "flesh house of 2007," I'd cross over to the other side.

At one point, he told me, "This is a line from my book." He started quoting, and I smiled, nodded politely... Kept nodding... Kept smiling and nodding... And he went on and on and on. I think this "quote" lasted at least a minute. It started out okay, but as he went it turned into this long, run-on sentence. The meaning of what he was saying fizzled out completely after about six words -- after that, it was just a string of pompous- sounding phrases. Either he just made it up on the spot, or he shoved everything he wanted to say in his book into one sentence and memorized it.

Oh, but wait -- it gets better. My mom asked for his business card, because she liked the store, and instead he gave us each a "billion dollar bill." It's basically a mock-up of U.S. money with a head shot of him dressed as a pirate. Really weird stuff. All of his store info is on this bill, like on a business card, except that it's a really awkward size. When I went to fold mine, he said to me, "Don't fold it. It'll be a collector's item someday. Just wait a couple of years."

I'm at a loss to explain C.G. as anything other than crazy. With the wannabe writers that I ranted about before, there was an obvious lack of understanding about the writing business, combined with delusions of grandeur. With this guy, I think it's more like a psychosis of grandeur. (And I shouldn't doubt that it has something to do with the drugs he probably did in the 60s and 70s. And probably still does, for that matter.) Although this may be simplifying the issues here, I didn't get the feeling that this book was a real work-in-progress -- no matter how much he talked about how famous he was going to be.

Okay, so I know this guy probably isn't playing with a full deck, but he is still indicative of a rather large group of people: The "writers" who talk endlessly about their idea for the great American novel, but never actually write anything. They want the attention without having to put forth the hard work of actually writing a book and seeing it through to print. It's the fear of becoming like this that keeps me from ever talking much about a novel or short story idea before I write it. Another writer once wrote that talking about how great your novel is going to be is only wasting time that you could be spending writing it, and I take that advice very seriously.

The trouble with (wannabe) writers

Publishing my article in Writers Weekly earned me a lot of emails, guestbook entries, and other attention. I have to admit this felt rather nice - most of these people assumed I was wildly successful, and more than just a few sought my approval. However, I also got a number of highly amusing emails from would-be writers who wanted me to confirm their delusions of grandeur.

One such writer wrote to me to tell me how she had also always felt wrongly discouraged from being a writer. Okay - that I can understand. She also talked about how she dreamed of being a world-famous novelist. I gave her what I thought was some perfectly sound advice for achieving her dream: start small. Most of today's successful novelists started out publishing short stories, newspaper articles, or anything else that allowed them to make a reliable income writing and earn a name for themselves. I told her the more you publish, the easier it is to publish more, so start with the easy stuff.

Her response was rather hoity-toity. I had the distinct impression that she thought of herself as a real writer, and was talking down to me. She started out by telling me,

It gives me great honor to inform you that I have completed my first suspense-thriller. It is a novel that took six years to finish, and I am currently searching for a literary agent... I feel confident that an agent will see my raw God-given talent, which has been polished from my education, and give this first-time author a chance.

Wow, is she in for a shock. I wonder how she'll handle her first dozen or so rejections.

She concludes her email with this unbelievable statement:

I strive to reach nothing but perfection as I compose each inspiring, meticulous word. Hopefully, after people read my thought-provoking words, they will view life rather differently and contribute toward the betterment of mankind.

The last statement in particular reminds me of the kinds of things you hear out of beauty pagent contestants, each with Barbie's smile pasted on her lips.

Another would-be writer wrote to me asking for advice on starting his career. He started out by asking - no, demanding:

What are the proper channels a writer needs to seek to become a high-paid writer? Does one need credentials? Define credentials? Out of the choices of having a book published, working on a team, writing for a paper, blogging, or movie screenplays....what's the best one?

He then continued on to describe his disappointment that his writing hadn't been "discovered" via MySpace. (That part made me laugh quite a bit. Does he think there are talent scouts out there combing MySpace for the next Stephen King?) Finally, he explained his goals as a never-been-published writer:

I realize there are several routes I can take to make a name for myself, but the only one that reall [sic] appeals to me, is either 1) getting a book published and/or 2) being part of a creative team writing for a movie or T.V. show that's already made a name for itself.

And therein lies the rub...

This guy also thinks he is not just going to rise straight to the top, but start at the top. I tried to explain to him the natural order of things, but I don't think he understood (or appreciated) my advice, because I never heard back from him.

Although it might seem like I'm making fun of these people (okay, I am, but only a little), I'm really posting about this for a couple of very good reasons. For one thing, I think other already-established writers will see the humor in a bunch of wannabes being rather too big for their britches.

However, I am also posting this because it reminds me of who I - and probably every other published writer - was when I was just a dreamer and a wannabe myself. Back in high school, when I wrote whole novels only to stuff them in a drawer because I so feared editing, I too thought that becoming a writer was my destiny. And in retrospect, I think I was right, but only because I got myself here. Writers aren't born or discovered; they achieve their dreams at the price of their blood and sweat and tears. And although I've only traveled a short distance upon this path, I am proud of every single step I have taken.

As for the betterment of mankind... Well, it's quite enough for me right now to know that right now, somewhere in the world, someone is reading words I was paid to write.