Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Frame of mind

I've been terribly busy lately.  It seems that my mornings -- the time I've set aside for writing and blogging -- are never really mine anymore.  This year so far has been the year of pet expenses, as it has been one animal illness or injury after another since Christmas, but that also means lots of pet-related demands on my time: vet appointments, physical therapy, and time-consuming home care.  And what mornings aren't eaten up by our pets' needs, are quickly taken up by something else -- even if that something else is nothing more than a much-needed mental break, such as a nap or a morning at the barn.

In the last week or two, I've been able to reclaim a few mornings here and there -- anything beyond the last couple of weeks is, unfortunately, a big blur.  But on those mornings I've had to myself, I've come to appreciate something that I never even realized I had when I had it: frame of mind, or should I say, peace of mind.  I've learned that it takes a certain frame of mind to sit down at the computer and work, to feel able to write.  I had that frame of mind when I worked from home full-time, even if sometimes I wasn't very productive.  I even still had that frame of mind when my mornings were actually mine, after I started the afternoon nanny job.

But the last couple of months, when most mornings are spent busy with I don't even know what anymore, I have been able to just sit down and work, even on the mornings when I am home.  I'm so accustomed to running, running, running, all the time, that I can't sit down in front of the computer and make my mind focus on a blog post or an article or whatever I need to write.  Sometimes when I try I end up falling asleep.  Other times I get this feeling in my head like fingernails on a chalkboard, or like gears grinding -- like I'm trying to make myself do something that is, for the moment at least, physically impossible.  And even when I feel like I might, possibly, be able to pull it off, our dog Grace (the one with hip dysplasia, who has gotten increasingly more neurotic over the last year and, especially, the last few months) paces the house relentlessly, until I ready to boil over with irritation and frustration.

This morning hasn't been a good morning, so this blog post is probably coming across a little more colorfully illustrated than it would on a calmer day -- but really, how many of those do I have anymore?  In any case, this should give you a good idea of why it has been so long since I've blogged regularly.

There have been good things too, though, things I hope to blog about in the coming weeks.  Keep your fingers crossed for me that all the pets will stay healthy for a while once this most recent infection has cleared up, and perhaps I will be able to take back my mornings -- or at least most of them!

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