Several friends and loyal readers have commented about the lack of activity on my blogs lately. I'm sorry to have worried some of you... and deprived others of you of my brilliant insights (haha). Michael did recover, but two days later his mom came to visit — and promptly got sick, too. And throughout all of this, I was struggling to meet end-of-the-month deadlines!

Last night I had quite a scare when I started feeling a little queasy, but today I've felt fine, so perhaps it was nothing. My mother-in-law is leaving in the morning, so tomorrow I'll be back to work as usual. (I'm staying up late tonight to get a jump start.) Stay tuned for catch-up blog posts on all of my blogs!

Labels: family

I am so glad it's Friday... and yet, at the same time, so disappointed.

I mentioned in a previous post that my brother-in-law and his family relocated to Denver over Memorial Day weekend. Unfortunately, the craziness didn't end there. Here are a few of the highlights of my week, much of which has to do with the in-laws:

* Tuesday night Michael and I drove down to his brother's new place to help them finish unloading the truck. I ended up spending most of the evening chasing around my two small nephews instead. I was doing a lot of running after them and scooping them up before they made it out the door, and as a result my thighs were so painfully sore the next day that I could barely squat or walk down stairs.

* Wednesday morning I drove down there again after dropping Michael off at work, and helped my sister-in-law return the Uhaul truck. Of course, that entire ordeal took fully two hours longer than I had planned, which meant that I didn't have enough time to get any work done before Panama's training appointment — after which I had to go immediately to pick Michael up from work.

* Stressed out from not getting enough work done Wednesday, I stayed up until 4:00 am to get some stuff done. This was actually the most productive time I've spent all week, but I'm now a little sleep deprived as a result.

* Thursday I was supposed to have all day to work, but in the afternoon the owner of the barn where Panama is stabled called me with some concerning news: Panama appeared to have a mild case of colic. He's okay now, but I didn't get much work done Thursday either because I spent so much time at the barn with Panama.

* Today I took Michael to work so that I could borrow the car to go to Panama's farrier appointment. Unfortunately, an issue with my in-laws required that I move my appointment up, pick Michael up early in the afternoon, and then tag along while Michael helped his brother take care of the issue. Thus, another workday hijacked...

I still have a ton of work that I should be doing tonight or tomorrow, but nevertheless I am glad it is Friday. Hopefully we can find a happy medium with the in-laws in the coming weeks. I really like them, but I still need to be able to get my work done each day!

Labels: family

I almost forgot — I promised in a comment yesterday to blog about my exhausting Monday.

Basically, I started out the day at a disadvantage, as I had stayed up late finishing The White Darkness and didn't get enough sleep. I had a riding lesson with my trainer in the morning and then visited Panama for a little while, which was basically the calm before the storm — the last normal moments of my day.

Just as I was getting ready to leave the stables, my sister called from work to say that she was having bad dizzy spells and felt like she had fluid in her ears. She wanted me to pick her up from work and take her to the doctor's office. To explain the background a little, as a kid and a young teen in gymnastics, my sister suffered a lot from vertigo, so we take it seriously when she has problems with her ears!

It turned out she did indeed have fluid in her ears, but the doctor thought it was because she was getting sick. The dizzy spells, the doctor thinks, were caused by the Sudafed my sister took that morning — it was clearing the congestion out of her ears, which in turn upset her sense of balance.

After leaving the doctor's office, I took my sister to pick up her car, as she hadn't had a dizzy spell in a while and felt safe to drive. I then picked Michael up from work, and headed home at last.

I'd been on the road most of the day, and had had little time to eat. I had a headache from driving so much and from clenching my jaw, something I do when I get stressed out. I also felt inordinately tired from lack of sleep and nourishment: All I'd had to eat was a travel mug of tea and some graham cracker snacks in the morning, and some jelly beans I ate on the way to the doctor's office.

A snack and a walk after we got home made me feel a little better, but I still wasn't feeling great. In fact, I planned to go to bed early, but accidentally got hooked on a book and stayed up late reading. I didn't get any work done, didn't even get to check my email until evening, so today I will need to work extra hard to catch up.

Labels: family

Some of you may have noticed that my posts have been more sporadic in the last couple of weeks.

I'm not going to go into details in order to protect the privacy of my family, but a family member hasn't been well lately. The prognosis is good, but I'm more distracted than usual, so if you notice my blog falling behind during the next few weeks, that's why.

Labels: family

Just like last year, our white Christmas made national headlines.

The article comments that by mid-morning we had already gotten as much snow as had been predicted for the entire day. Actually, I'd say we surpassed the original forecast by mid-morning: As of yesterday, they'd still been predicting 2 to 4 inches of snow. This morning they decided it would be more like 4 to 8 inches, but by mid-morning we'd already gotten that.

It didn't stop snowing until mid or late afternoon.

Michael and I have taken it easy today — we're watching movies, and for dinner we'll have the sweet potato soup we were intending to take to my sister's house. Tomorrow we'll try to make it to the stables to see Panama, and to my parents' house to visit them. (My sister and her boyfriend are taking his mother skiing tomorrow.)

I haven't been working the last couple of days, but I've used the time to get caught up on my blogs. It's been nice to do some writing that is entirely for my own pleasure.

How have you spent your Christmas?

Labels: family, holidays, Michael, my horse Panama, news

Last year, we had two blizzards this time of year: one a few days before Christmas, and another just a week later. The result was that we had an extra-long vacation around Christmas and New Year's, but that we were also snowed in for several days each time.

Unbelieveably, I think our snowstorm this year might have trumped last year's. Although we are technically getting less snow, getting it on Christmas Day has impacted our Christmas plans much more than last year's blizzard did: We're pretty much snowed in, which means we won't be going to my sister's house for Christmas dinner as planned.

I'm also disappointed that we won't be able to go to the stables today — I really wanted to visit my horse on Christmas. I even have a present for him, but I guess it'll have to wait until tomorrow.

Labels: family, holidays, my horse Panama

People take things for granted -- it's just human nature. That's why I'm okay with Thanksgiving as a holiday, no matter how politically incorrect it is. I know that there was never any happy little Thanksgiving feast where the pilgrims and the Indians sat down together, held hands, and sang "Kumbaya." For one thing, the much-lauded pilgrims were actually self-righteous, priggish jerkoffs who were responsible for massacring the local natives. By another account, the first Thanksgiving in actuality marked the failure of William Bradford's attempts at a communist community. (I wonder if Joseph McCarthy knew that his "one nation, under God" had its roots in communism?)

But wait, I'm getting sidetracked. I'm not okay with the myth of Thanksgiving, but I am okay with the holiday itself. I think it is good to remind people to appreciate what they have in their lives.

So without further ado, this is what I am thankful for this year:

* A wonderful husband... whom I married in a beautiful 1920s-themed wedding earlier this year

* The career I've always wanted... for which I don't have to dress up, drive in rush hour, or deal with office politics

* A happy, healthy horse... who is learning more every day

* A beautiful home... that we own

* ...And pretty much everything else in our lives. We have wonderful families, pets, and lives. What more can I say?

Labels: family, freelancing, holidays, home sweet home, Michael, miscellaneous, my horse Panama

This afternoon we found out that Michael's mom's horse, Anna, had died at about 2am Saturday morning.

Several years ago, Michael's mom adopted an older horse whom no one wanted. Because Anna foundered several times over the years, the two of them went through some difficult times together. Anna could be very stand-offish, but the way she followed Michael's mom around left no doubt as to the strength of their bond.

Anna started colicking late Thursday evening. When Michael's mom arrived and realized Anna was sick, she called the vet, kept Anna on her feet, did all of the things you are supposed to do for a colicking horse. She didn't leave her horse's side for the next 24 hours. Unfortunately, Anna wasn't able to pull through this time, and she died early Saturday morning.

I can't even imagine how hard this must be for Michael's mom. Anna was her friend and companion, more than a pet or a pastime. She never rode her -- out of concern for her foundering, but probably also because her relationship with Anna was more important than the desire for a riding horse. She visited Anna twice a day, regardless of weather or other obligations.

Anna was very lucky to be so loved.


Somewhere in time's own space
There must be some sweet pastured place
Where creeks sing on and tall trees grow
Some paradise where horses go,
For by the love that guides my pen
I know great horses live again.

~Stanley Harrison

Labels: family, miscellaneous

A long time ago, I promised some new pictures of Panama. Unfortunately, I got really busy, and completely spaced it. Today, though, I'm finally going to post those pictures... in celebration of the fact that I'm finally bringing Panama out here.

Michael and I found the perfect place to stable Panama. His stall will be good-sized and will have a run attached. The place is quiet and private, which I like. There is also an arena and a round pen where I can work with him as I start training him. It's the next best thing to having horse property ourselves.

Panama still has to be gelded before we can bring him out, so we're going to do that in about a week, I think. He had his hooves trimmed recently, so that's done; all that's remaining is to make sure he is up to date on all of his vaccines.

Anyway, here are the pictures. These are the pictures that Michael's brother took of Panama and Cuervo playing when we were there in March. There are about 150 pictures, so I just chose a few good ones. Unfortunately, they are all of Panama going after Cuervo, so it looks like Panama is the aggressor. In reality, though, Cuervo likes to pick on the horses until he gets them to chase him.

Which reminds me of my biggest concern about bringing Panama out here: separating him from Cuervo and the other horses. Panama has always been pastured, so being in a stall where he is separated from the other horses will no doubt be difficult for him. And being separated from his buddy Cuervo will probably be even more upsetting.

I hope this really is for the best for Panama. He's not getting as much human attention there as he should, and certainly not any training. But here he won't have the same herd-like environment.

Well, anyway, here are those pictures!

Labels: family, Michael, my horse Panama

Some of you may remember me mentioning some weeks ago that my step grandmother had died. Afterward, my mom and I made plans to visit my grandfather for 8 days (a big deal because when she was alive, she would only let us come for a few days at a time). I just got back last night.

Nothing was quite what I expected. First of all, thinking of how quiet my grandpa had been last time I saw him (September 2005), I was expecting him to be even frailer now. I was planning on spending afternoons and evenings working, because I figured my grandpa would be pretty tired most of the time. I was also expecting to have plenty of opportunities to go down to the computer room in the main lodge of the retirement center, and hook in to their DSL connection.

The truth of it was, my grandpa turned out to be doing better than any of us expected. With my step grandmother no longer around to snap at him, he is not tuning out conversations as much anymore, and surprises you by joining in when you least expect it. He's still rather forgetful, but even that isn't as bad. He hears better, talks more, remembers more. I guess that's how much of a difference one person -- plus or minus -- can make in someone's life.

Of course, my step grandmother passing away didn't cure my grandpa of old age. He still is fairly frail: He needs the walker even for short distances, and a wheelchair for long distances because he gets too tired walking it on his own. He has full-time help now, because he's fallen so many times (my step grandmother refused to let him have any help while she was alive); they help him do things that are becoming difficult for him now, such as showering, getting dressed, making breakfast, etc., and they make sure he doesn't fall and hurt himself. However, all in all I'd say he's doing remarkably well for almost 95 years old!

Anyway, as it turned out I didn't end up having as much time to work as I'd hoped. (Why do I always go into vacations thinking I can get work done?) The first few days I did, but that was only because we saved all of the things we had planned for the last half of the vacation: We scanned family pictures that my grandpa and my mom's cousin have, made dinner plans with relatives, celebrated Father's Day with the family, and played Bingo at the retirement center (my grandpa loves Bingo night). As busy as the last four or five days were, I didn't even get much time to make the trip to the computer lab and get online. I checked email and blogged a couple of times, and that was really about it.

Even our return trip didn't leave much time for working. We ate lunch with my grandpa and my uncle downtown, and then took the bus out to the airport. I'm not much for pulling out my laptop on the bus, unless I know it's going to be a really long ride, so I didn't work there. And I didn't work while we waited at the gate, because I couldn't find a plug, and wanted to make sure I had enough battery power to use my laptop the entire flight. Unfortunately, the person who sat in front of me leaned her seat all the way back, making it impossible to have my laptop out with her already taking up most of my lap. (And, no, I'm not the kind of person to make a scene about something like that.)

I didn't get home until nearly 11pm last night, since we had to stop on the way home to get dinner (it had been 10 hours since I'd eaten lunch). By then, I was exhausted and had a splitting headache, so needless to say I didn't do any work then, either.

Waking up at home this morning after being gone for just over a week was really something. Everything is so familiar and cozy, and it's so nice to be back to my usual schedule -- more or less, that is. I'm going to make a noble effort to get organized today: I'll contact all my clients (most of whom knew there was a chance I wouldn't be able to work while I was gone), figure out what I need to get caught up on and by when, etc. Most of playing catch-up I'll leave for next week, however. There's just no way I can get it all done today!

Happy Friday, everyone. It's good to be back!

Labels: family, freelancing, freelancing admin, miscellaneous

Shortly after I got up today (Thursday), I learned that my step-grandmother had died early this morning. Although the situation is unique -- as I'll explain momentarily -- I still was tied up all day because of it, and accomplished pretty much nothing today.

Interestingly, I'm having a hard time explaining this. Three or four times, I've erased everything I'd written and started over again. I don't know why this is so hard. Like I said, the situation is unique -- "unique" meaning that I was never very close to Virginia. When my dad told me that my uncle (my mother's brother) had called to say that Virginia had passed away, I thought curiously, Am I going to cry? A quick moment of introspection told me that no, I wasn't anywhere close to tears. In fact, I felt nothing more than surprise: We had always thought Virginia was in better health than my grandfather. In fact, my mom just got back from visiting less than a week ago, and Virginia seemed fine.

It's trying to tell the full story that's getting to me, I think. As difficult as Virginia was, I just can't bring myself to publish the extent of it -- she's gone now, after all, and can't hurt our family any longer. Suffice it to say that Virginia was not a very nice person. When she first came into the family, creating bad blood between her and her new husband's kids from the get-go, we thought her antagonism was directed at us; over the years, though, we've realized that she was like that toward everyone.

Not all of my experiences of Virginia were bad, though. She was nice to my sister and I when I first met her (I was 11). For a while there she was the one reminding my grandfather of family members' birthdays. And in the last five years, she and I had started corresponding intermittently by snail mail. (Never mind that she managed to criticize my career choice and my marriage to my mom just five days ago.)

With all of this in mind, I was rather surprised when my mom started crying at lunch today. (They invited me to lunch last night, since Michael is still out of town.) I decided to spend the rest of the day with my family... Which is why, of course, I didn't get anything done.

It's funny how something can affect you and not affect you all at the same time. Several times while writing -- or trying to write -- this post, I've felt like I might cry... But of course I haven't. Yet at the same time, Virginia's death was monumental enough to hijack my to-do list and occupy my thoughts. The truth is, I almost can't believe she's not there anymore -- she seems so real in my thoughts.

Labels: family, miscellaneous

Just last night, Michael, my sister Laura, and I got back from a trip to see Michael's family and nail down our wedding plans. Here's a picture Michael's brother took of us after we applied for our marriage license:



Although a good deal of the first two days there were spent meeting with people (the minister, videographer, chef, florist, manager at the venue, etc.) regarding the wedding, I also took advantage of the time to spend some quality time with my horse, Panama.

If you've been reading my blog regularly for the past year, you'll know that we got Panama as a rescue after witnessing his pregnant mother being euthanized by Michael's brother's stupid neighbor. We've made a handful or so of trips out there to see the family, and every time I spend as much time as possible with my horse.

Panama has grown a lot. I can remember when he was this little, scrawny colt, and now he's almost 14 hands. He'll probably be a small horse, but that's okay with me -- I'm small, too.

To show you how much he has grown, first check out this picture, taken in July of 2006:


The next picture was taken during this trip, almost nine months later:



Panama has matured a lot as he's grown, too. We haven't gotten him gelded yet, and late last summer he was really becoming a handful. His fiestiness culminated around Labor Day Weekend, when he kicked Michael's brother when the ferrier was trying to trim his hooves, and even reared up on me when I hooked a lead rope onto his halter.

Then around Thanksgiving, I noticed an abrupt change in him. He'd had his halter off for about a month, and had grown quite wild. We were able to corner him and get a halter on him about halfway through the visit, and from then on he was a changed horse. He started displaying quite an attachment to me during that visit.

This visit was even more satsifying. Panama can still be a little fiesty, but he is as sweet as can be with me. On Friday morning the ferrier came, and was able to trim three out of four of Panama's hooves before Panama fought back. In fact, he stood so calmly for the first three that we're thinking the fourth one happened to be sore that day. I stood in front of him the entire time, holding his halter and stroking his nose while I talked to him soothingly, and I think that might have made a difference, too -- he responds really well to that.

Panama is definitely becoming very attached to me -- there's no longer any question about that. On Saturday I decided to brush him, and I left my sister to hold Panama's lead while went to get the brushes. Panama became very anxious and kept his eyes on me the entire time. When I came back, I led him out of the pasture while my sister managed the gate; Panama did surprisingly well for that, too, despite the fact that the previous day walking out of the gate had meant getting his feet messed with.

I worked with Panama as much as I could while we were there, but Saturday was the only good day I had for it, so "working with him" primarily meant re-teaching me what he had unlearned in my absence. He was rather stubborn about being led at first, but I worked with him until he willingly walked with me when I had him on the lead rope or had a hand on his halter. I realized at the end that I'd inadvertently taught him the command, "Come on," because that's what I was saying to him out of frustration when he wouldn't follow.

Sunday morning, bright and early before we left for Denver, I went out to say goodbye to Panama. He and his best friend, Cuervo the donkey, were playing in the pasture. They ran all around, chasing each other. Sometimes Cuervo would rear up and put his front hooves on Panama so that he could nip at him; other times, Panama would get down on his knees so that he could nip at the little donkey. It was really cute, so I'm posting a video of it. There's no sound, but at least you can see Panama in action.



It was harder than ever to leave. I love visiting Michael's family, but I especially like being around my horse. I love the way he smells, the way he feels, the way he nuzzles me sometimes. I hope I'll be able to move him out to Denver this year!

Labels: family, my horse Panama

I am not entirely sure how it happened, but I suddenly have as much work as I had during my exceptionally busy period last summer. That is to say, I'll be working a lot this week, and likely won't have much time to blog regularly. I guess the fruits of one of my New Year's resolutions - to double my income in 2007 - are already paying off.

On top of the abnormally heavy workload, I have also been spending several afternoons each week scanning and organizing the family photos with my mom. Some of these photos are very old - in fact, more than just a few are nearly 100 years old, with a couple being even older - and they haven't all been very well cared for, so we are scanning everything on high resolution. Once we are done, we will put them all in acid-free albums, to protect them as much as possible from now on. I have to admit, although it takes me away from my work for 10 or 15 hours a week, it is enjoyable work - it's like reading a story (or watching a movie), except the characters in it are your own flesh and blood. I am particularly fascinated with my maternal grandmother's side of the family - where the Swan name came from - so my favorites are the photos of her in her youth.

At any rate, I am taking this week one project at a time, so I will blog again when I come up for air.

Labels: family, freelancing, goals, miscellaneous

I just can't believe that Christmas is less than a week away.

I'm not ready for this. I didn't even realize how much of my time jury duty had eaten up until I started thinking about getting ready for Christmas. We only put our tree up on Sunday, and although we've discussed putting lights on our porch, we haven't gotten to that quite yet - and I'm not even sure we will.

Christmas shopping is the real struggle. First of all, I only managed to do about half of it earlier in the season, and absolutely none of it during the two weeks I had jury duty. So here I am, with less than a week to go, realizing that I will have to brave the crowds of Christmas shoppers (which I hate).

Additionally, money is a problem. I didn't get much writing done during the two weeks I had jury duty, which means I didn't get paid. And although I do get $50 a day for jury duty, I won't see that check for a little while yet. (Someone at the courthouse said it would be before Christmas, but I don't know that for sure. It's usually supposed to take 2-3 weeks.) I'll be fine once I get paid for jury duty, but until then...

Being broke at Christmastime sucks.

Getting caught up from my two week hiatus has been difficult, too. I have a lot of work that I want to get done before Christmas - preferrably by the end of this week, so I don't have any work to do over the holiday weekend.

There have been a few successes, though. I have been working pretty steadily so far this week, and I have almost caught up with my work on two of my quickest-paying gigs. And I finally thought of (and bought) the perfect present for Michael. That means I only have my dad left to shop for (aside from a couple of other little gifts for Michael).

I do my little blogging break is about over - I need to get back to work.

Labels: family, freelancing, holidays, Michael

I thought I'd easily be able to work over the holiday because I love writing fiction so much... but it turned out to be harder than I thought. We visited Michael's family, and I'm not sorry to say that I ended up visiting with my horse a lot more than I worked on my novel.

Michael's brother recently got a new horse - a colt named Sundance. Although Sundance is only 7 months old - a good 6 months younger than Panama - he's already bigger than Panama. He is a mix of draft horse and some type of show horse; the show horse blood is quite evident, especially when Sundance trots, picking his legs high up in the front. He's a beautiful horse, and very sweet-tempered - but I prefer my fiery Panama.



Panama is still a little bit on the wild side, but I think I was able to connect with him a lot better this time than last time. The first couple of days I was there, he didn't have a halter on - they had had to take it off because it was getting too small on him. It was difficult, because I had no way to keep him with me once he decided to leave, but I was able to give him a little bit of attention here and there.



On Saturday, with four of us helping, we managed to corner Panama and put a halter on him. It took some work, but once we got it on him he was like a different horse - much gentler and tamer, though still slightly skittish. He just doesn't get enough attention, poor guy - but the more he gets of it, the more he wants. By the time we left this morning, he came right up to me when I stood at the fence to say goodbye.



Panama has gotten rather plump, which is good to see - he had been so underfed when we first saw him in May, and it took a long time for him to gain enough weight to cover his ribs. He is now almost 13 1/2 hands tall (a hand is four inches, and a horse's height is measured at the shoulders). He's tall enough so that I can lean my forehead against his neck and smell his horsey smell.

I don't regret for the moment all the time I was able to spend with Panama. It seemed to do him a lot of good. I was able to write a little, reaching a measely 35,080 total words. With only three full days left of NaNoWriMo, I'm hoping I'll be able to devote some time in the next few days to working on my novel. I want to make sure I "win" (i.e. reach 50,000 words) my first go round!

Labels: family, Michael, my horse Panama, NaNoWriMo 2006, novel writing, word count